Dare to be Deliberate - YOUR Way

Part 4 of 4

I want to be clear about something before we go any further. I want you to know why I’m sharing this story.

I am not telling you to move to Portugal.

I am not telling you to slow down, quit your job, sell your house, or chase a feeling you had in your twenties. My story is mine. Yours is yours. And in twenty-plus years of coaching and recruiting, the single most expensive mistake I’ve watched people make is borrowing someone else’s definition of a good life and trying to live it.

What I am telling you is this: somewhere inside you, there is probably a feeling you’ve been keeping. Something that surfaces occasionally and then gets filed back away because the timing isn’t right, or the risk seems too large, or someone — maybe you — talked you out of it.

I kept mine for thirty years. It brought me to a surfing village in Portugal, to a slower pace, to work I love, to Leo on the beach every morning.

I have a client who kept his feeling and it led him somewhere completely different — to a million-dollar compensation package and a job he designed himself, combining two roles a company was hiring for separately, because he finally got clear enough on what he wanted to ask for without apology. He presented the idea, and the CEO thought it was a good one.

Another client was on maternity leave from her pediatric nursing assistant job. She came to me because she was ready for a change. She had always wanted to be an author — but in her mind, being an author wasn’t a “real job.” So, she never really tried. Within months of working together, she had written her first novel, and within a year, she had a publisher and a commitment for a second book. Turns out being an author is a very real job.

Same coaching. Wildly different outcomes. That’s the point.

 ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

These are the questions I ask. The ones clients tell me made them think differently.

If you could have it all your way when it comes to your career, what would it look like?

Not what’s realistic. Not what makes sense given your current title, or your industry, or what your colleagues are doing. What would it look like if you got to design it yourself? Most people have never been asked this question directly. Most people have never let themselves answer it honestly. Start there.

Is that true? Or does it just feel true?

This is the one I ask when someone tells me emphatically why something they want isn’t possible. I can’t make that kind of move at my level. No one in my field does that. It’s too late for me to change direction. I hear these things constantly. And sometimes they’re real constraints. But more often they’re stories — ones we’ve told ourselves so many times they’ve hardened into fact. When I ask is that true, or does it just feel true, that’s where the real conversation begins.

Are you building the career you want — or the career you think you’re supposed to want?

This is the one that makes people pause. We are very good at building careers. We follow the path that looks right, that earns approval, that makes sense on paper. And then we look up one day and realize we’ve been building toward someone else’s definition of success. What does your definition look like? Not your mentor’s. Not your industry’s. Yours.

What would you do if you stopped waiting for the right moment?

The right moment is a myth. There will always be a reason to wait — a mortgage, a promotion you’re close to, a parent who needs you, a pandemic. I had boxes in my dining room and a global shutdown. I stopped waiting on a Friday over a virtual happy hour. When’s your right moment?

P.S. The answer to these questions may lead you to the realization that you are doing all the right things for you. You are, in fact, building the career you want. That’s great news! And sometimes, it helps to answer these questions to remind yourself that you don’t need to change a thing.

 ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I spent most of my career helping companies find the right people. Now I spend it helping people find the right direction.

There’s no one “right direction” that suits everyone. Sometimes the right direction is a bigger job with more responsibility and a salary that finally reflects your actual worth. Sometimes it’s a recalibration — same field, different pace, different values driving the decisions. Sometimes it’s boxes in the dining room and a one-way ticket.

My job is not to tell you which one. My job is to ask you the questions that help you figure it out and then push you — gently but persistently — toward the answer you already have.

That’s what daring to be deliberate actually means. Not following a formula. Not doing what I did, or what your mentor did, or what looks impressive on a résumé.

Your way. Deliberately.

 If any of this resonated and you’re standing at a crossroads — in your career, your next chapter, or somewhere in between — I’d love to talk. You can find me at daretobedeliberate.com.

 Angee Linsey is a career coach based in Ericeira, Portugal. She lives with Leo the doodle dog, who is very charming and knows it.